Why Conflict Resolution Conversations Sometimes Still Leave Us Feeling Unsettled—and What to Do About It
In conflict resolution and mediation sessions, it’s common for participants to feel they have thoroughly discussed the issue, yet still walk away feeling unsettled. This lingering unrest isn’t a sign of failure but often a result of missing a critical dimension of the work. It’s either they weren’t able to accurately identify and name the angle of the issue that disturbs them the most and why or they didn’t know how and when during the conversation to surface it. Additionally, the more sensitive the matter, the less likely they would be willing to discuss that part of the issue. As a result, participants talk about everything else but that thing that bothers them the most.
Organizational psychology research and leading methodologies help illuminate why this happens and how leaders can navigate this complexity to create meaningful resolutions, but sometimes even these strategies fall short.
At ResonantHR, we understand that conflict resolution is a deeply human process intertwined with identity, power dynamics, and emotions. People may talk about the facts or surface-level issues extensively but avoid or unconsciously sidestep the underlying concerns that trigger deeper discomfort and/or pain. These “unstated concerns” frequently revolve around fear of vulnerability, loss of trust, or perceived threats to psychological safety.
Research also shows that mediators can underestimate or misread emotions, especially those experienced by parties in less powerful positions, such as employees versus supervisors (Bollen & Euwema, 2014; Swaab & Brett, 2007). Without skillful facilitation that digs into these more nuanced emotional layers, often best done through one-on-one pre-mediation sessions and during the group mediation session, parties may leave the table feeling their deepest unease was never acknowledged.
The “fear of conflict” dysfunction is another common culprit. Teams and individuals avoid candid discussions about what bothers them most because it feels risky or unsafe, resulting in conversations that appear thorough but are fundamentally incomplete (Lencioni, 2002). Similarly, dialogue shifts to silence or violence when psychological safety is compromised, meaning real issues go undiscussed. It is often at this point that individuals must begin to use tools that fuel their psychological bravery, to effectively close the distance between safety and what needs to be addressed.
So what is the solution? How do we get people talking about what actually bothers them?
For HR leaders and people operations partners looking to set the standard for sustainable, equity-centered conflict management, they must utilize the right tools and resources for cultivating extensive psychological bravery alongside rigorous emotional and cultural intelligence. This means:
Creating “brave” spaces where all parties can express their core concerns with the ability to combat the fear of potential retribution or dismissal. This requires personalized coaching for individuals.
Using skilled mediators or coaches who can read emotional cues and power signals and ask clarifying questions, gently helping participants to uncover what is beneath the surface.
Applying frameworks that leverage identity- and power-awareness and courageous communication, providing structured tools for raising difficult topics.
Training leaders to recognize and address the Five Dysfunctions dynamics in team conflicts and to cultivate Inclusive Leadership skills so problems don’t linger unresolved.
By addressing deeper emotional layers strategically and empathetically, organizations will do more than arrive at conflict resolution. They will foster culture transformation because productively managing conflicts in varied contexts is a significant driver for building resilient, high-performing teams and workplace cultures that can weather complexity and change with confidence and care.
At ResonantHR, we partner with leaders committed to meaningful, sustainable solutions, helping them recognize where conversations fall short and coaching them to lead with quiet authority, balancing intellect and emotional and cultural intelligence to achieve lasting impact.
Bollen, K., & Euwema, M. (2014). Mediators' perceptions of emotion in hierarchical workplace conflicts. International Journal of Conflict Management, 25(3), 236-251. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8209263/
Lencioni, P. (2002). The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable. Jossey-Bass.
Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R., & Switzler, A. (2012). Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High (2nd ed.). McGraw-Hill Education.
Swaab, R. I., & Brett, J. M. (2007). Negotiators’ perceptions of emotion in conflict resolution. Journal of Organizational Behavior, 28(6), 725-745.
